Posts tagged love

Dancing Domestic.

Let’s buy a house, and paint the walls fun colors, you’d let me decorate. The walls would mix and match with how we felt, the hot passion red of our bedroom would blend with the warm heat of the kitchen. Let’s let the colors mix and mingle, for yellow kisses in the hall way, and for green smiles in your office. Let’s play our music like we never thought we could, dancing naked in the living room, head walks and two-steps through the doorways. Let’s start believing in stainless steel and debate over kitchen tables. Let’s buy furniture that makes you happy, let’s develop an IKEA nesting habit and spend Sundays attempting to construct it.  “I’d kiss you there,” you’d say and the love seat would be ours. Let’s wonder which cleaning products work best, and share pained expressions when the air conditioner fails. “I can’t fix this,” I’ll mumble and you’ll laugh at my candor, and the moment will be ours. Let’s buy bed sheets that we will tangle between legs and knees. Let’s let me come home late and you come home late through our own door, and let’s never ask the questions that beg for dishonesty or reveal mistrust. Let’s replace beer stained carpets and wonder where our nights have gone in our liquor soaked haze. Let’s share a pillow mantra and worship in free furniture religions that we can repaint and rebuild to suit our fancies. And we can stop worrying about the future, and we can start washing all the dishes, and we can never take ourselves too seriously. And you can come home, and I can jump up to kiss you. And we can hold shows in our cellar, and you can laugh at how I say that, and we can invite your friends, and I’ll make some friends, and we can take pictures of the silly things we do. And we can start a four legged family and we can get up early, and we can never be afraid to not sit still. And we we can curl up on the sofa and watch TV, and we can never lose the butterflies. And we’d have a bed of our own, a home of our own…and we can pretend to be grown up.

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Vigilant resolves.


When I’m standing outside, the smooth hint of rain slipping down my jacket, hands exposed, feet cocked inward in a way that only I stand…I think of what it will be like. That moment when our eyes connect again. In my head I’m cavalier -I’m slick and brilliant with an edge of morose attitude only you’d comprehend. In my head I’m smirking. A slight and coy smile that produces itself on the right side of my face, my eye crunching up and my chipmunk cheeks you toyed with so freely appearing from a once sullen face. My lips would barely move, my fingers coming up to shoulder height in my ever present and characteristic peace sign, and I say ‘hi’. Just ‘hi’, ‘hello’ is too long, ‘what’s up’ too impersonal, ‘hey’ is someone else- not me, and a long drawn out ‘hiiii’ is serial-killer-hiding-in-the-closet, and that’s not who I’d like to be to you…today. I’m hard to picture, simply because I know my future self is more likely to be nervous, fumbling all over who I am and all the things I fear. In reality, you’ll be all the things I hope to be. Cavalier and cunning, smart and fearless, quick witted and handsome. You’ll walk up, hands in front pockets and crack a smile at me with a ‘hey’ that only you can pull off as you draw out your words in a style much your own -not me. In those moments, I’ll be nothing, I’ll be awestruck and freakish. My spine will tingle and my heart won’t beat properly. Maybe then I’ll say ‘hi’ and laugh like I do, when I just push air from my lungs, beyond my malfunctioning heart, and up through my nostrils. Not so much a laugh, more or less a quick breath outward, before I explode. Beyond that, I know I’ll walk behind you and watch your shoulders or feet, I know I’ll sit with my legs crossed next to you, and I know I’ll look at you from the corner of my eyes and smirk at you. It’s those things I’m thinking about when I’m standing outside alone, placing myself there, preparing myself for a better place, whilst standing out on the wet pavement 100 miles away. Miles away, and I can’t face you now.

“It’s so good to see you now, the times been good to you. It’s just so amazing, your smile is shining through. Amazing how life can turn, one day to the next, you know…I’ll figure out where I am and figure which way to go. “

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